a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
