i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
