The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
