see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
