Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
