piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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