everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
