mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
