I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
