I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
birth control should be required to get into college
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
