Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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