I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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