i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
