beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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