i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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