Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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