I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
