she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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