how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
