I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
