God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
