Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
