Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
