You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
