Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
True strength comes from lack of pants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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