you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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