I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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