Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
