Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she peed on how many people?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
