u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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