We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
