I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
