The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
