tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
