Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
