I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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