you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
sick fucks of a feather flock together
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
