My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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