You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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