If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
