I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
