everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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