Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
