First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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