Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
