tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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