You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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