So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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