I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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