We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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