I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
